One of the most meaningful conversation I had with someone was with my former manager/frenemy Heidee Monleon, back when she was delivering my annual appraisal for 2010. It also was the longest conversation I had with her. We talked about, not only the appraisal itself, but what has transpired during my year under her tutelage. We mutually did not like each other's presence--professionally, that is. She doesn't like me perhaps due to the fact that I was outspoken and subtly subversive. Aside from the fact that I post too much rants in Facebook. I don't like her as my boss. I felt that I was always missing a lot of things. And that I lack things that I should learn from her as my manager. I always thought that her solutions to our problems in the LOB was that of the relief brought by Band-Aid. Temporary. Only for today. But I can only assume. She may have a million other reasons to hate me anyway--professionally. But we're okay now. Okay as in okay. That very long conversation allowed us to reflect on our adore/hate professional relationship. Which I thought was good.
Ironically, I adored her as a person. Apart from being a Murakami fan, and Carrie Mulligan look-alike, she has a really powerful sense of humor-- humor that I can, you know, really laugh with. She's witty and appreciates the independent artists' works. She was never afraid to get lost in the camera. Never hesitant to show that there are things that she doesn't know and that probably interest her. All those jazz. If bestfriends were actually being picked, I would have nominated her.
But I digress.
So, during the course of our conversation during the appraisal, she asked me if I had plans of applying for a job higher than what I have right now and I said no. I told her, "malungkot sa taas." Which I really meant. I always thought that the further you go up, the lesser people you have to turn to when you have questions, when you have problems and you practically do not know what to do. "It's lonely up there. At least, sa position ko, kung magkamali man ako, marami akong pagtatanungan, may magsasabi pa sa akin kung ano ba dapat ang tama." To which she replied, "hindi ba, kapag pataas ka ng pataas, eh pakonti ng pakonti ang tanong mo?" There was silence for a while, na sinundan ng masigabong apiran.
That was one of the most moving conversations I had.
That's also when I realized, merun kang mga boss na gusto mong maging boss lang. The kind that you'd always say no to Saturday lunch invite simply because, 5 days a week in the office with him/her is just enough. And there are some, who are better off as friends. Para hindi nagkakagatan ng ulo. :)