Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Gaining Weight, Picking Jeans and Broken Hearts

Dear Old Friends,

If you can't stand seeing me in my pictures growing from a size 12 to now 18, please keep it to yourselves. Not that I ignore the subsequent health issues but because i have other things in mind.

Your jokes may sound funny and light to you, mocking my weight and my size but picture this-- going to the mall scouting for a wardrobe for the company party, a friend's wedding, a cocktail--looking for a nice and decent pants or dress or skirt in forever 21, finding the shabby one and confidently taking it to the fitting room knowing it would fit you but surprise surprise, it doesn't; or maybe it does but you look awful. You walk out of the fitting room with a broken heart knowing it's the last pair that has the potential of fitting and you then change your wish that something out there will fit you, regardless of how it looks like or how much is it as long as it fits you. But you find nothing. You resort to going to surplus shops where you find cheap and inaapropriate clothes for a party let's say. On better days, you come home with a bag of jeans but never has it been that you got excited fr wearing it because you know, somewhere in your heart that that is not what you really wanted. But in normal rains, your heart is what's making your paper bag heavy.

I go through that everytime i need to attend a party or a gathering.

So please-- i don't appreciate your comments about me skipping from size 12 to 18. I really don't. I have issues myself which you will never understand why. So please keep it to yourself.

And I will change because I am ready to--not because that top in Mango looks pretty.

Love,

Karen(the now size 18)

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